“Everyone is fighting for something that will never going to happen. That’s what life is stand for.”
“I did my best to show them that you’re worth to fight for. But then you walked away, shame on me.”
I’m looking for happiness.
I got controlled by madness.
I wish I could disappear, I wish the earth could just stop spinning.
They knows me as a very happy person.
Who laughs like a child, being happy for no reason.
Sweet as sugar, soft as ice cream.
They wouldn’t admit, that I’ve been betrayal by my own mind.
No one could see, the emptiness that lives inside my eyes.
No one could feel, the monsters that screws me up inside my head.
They wouldn’t notice, I’m crying myself to sleep, every single night.
Did you forget? Everything we have ever had?
I stared blanky into space, pulled my blanket.
Then it all came back into flashes.
I remembered the night, that was the first time I saw you in my front door.
Grey shirt, blue jeans, I was the girl you used to get crazy with.
I remembered, I believe it was Friday, and it was late.
You told me you love me, in the front of my door, 9:37 pm.
You shined with your red shirt, I caught your eyes, you held my hands, and all I could do was smile.
It was the first time you put your fingertips around my face.
Love, I know you know, that I love you more than the words I could ever said.
Oh, and did you remember the night, when you told me you’re sorry after we fight?
We sat in front of my house, your hands was fit with mine.
You played with my hair and all I felt was- Oh, I just remembered how happy I was that night.
I remembered the first time when the sun was shined so bright, butterflies flies and you kissed my forehead.
I can picture it after all these days.
But now it’s all gone.
You sit on a throne of madness.
You’ve built your wall and I’ve built mine.
We still love each other, we love each other just a little bit too much, right?
I’d tell my self I’m over you, I know you’d tell yourself too.
I was the promises you could never keep.
I was sleep with the sadness, you haunts me even I buried you deep.
You might think I hate you because the each times you reach me out there is no reply.
The truth is, I cant get over you, love.
I just pretending that I did.
I really want to rekindle that love, you should know that.
I know it once so powerful, but it will never be right.
We were probably better off this way.
I’m sorry if I said I don’t want to see you anymore.
I hope you know that it was all just a lie.
I wish I could fall asleep for a very long time.
Until the years pass, until the earth is too tired to revolve.
I wish my life were a fiction.
Lord, this world is full of evil.
I’m scared of living, all the people I used to be with was gone.
They walked out of my life.
Oh lord, some of them was following me, right behind me.
Look at their hands- is it a knife?
God, I should’ve known before.
Can you tell me what will happen at the end? Could I stand?
I used to be the girl who laughs a lot, Lord, I did I swear.
I’m not trying to be fake, I’m trying to be me.
I’m trying to ignore the world, I built them with every step that I take, with every breath that I take.
But it was disappear in the blink of an eye.
People came too slow, and goes too fast.
Take me with you, fly me to your home.
Here we go again, darling.
All this words was made for you, create by my fantasy.
You got it all.
Your small eyes, shine so bright when they were looking at mine.
I covered up those butterflies inside my stomach, so you wont see.
I’m wishing you to call me up right now, I want to hear your voice, its drives me crazy.
The way you talk, the way you walk, the way you smile, its like- you know oh Lord, I cant explain.
My heartbeats goes up too fast when your sitting right next to me.
You comforted me, but also giving me something that I cant even say it into words.
I’m desperately in love with you, so please stay.
I’m wishing you were mine.
I let you come in, so don’t you even dare to let me go.
Like I’ve ever said before, bring me to your galaxy.
I want to know you, more and more.
Tell me about your dreams, your past-that always haunts you.
Teach me how to love you with every inches of heaven.
Kiss my forehead, play with my hair.
We could dance around the kitchen with the refrigerator light.
Show me what you want to do, say what you want to say.
Get closer, closer and closer.
‘Cause if you treat me right, hold me tight, I’ll be the perfect girl.
I once been a girl who hates their own self.
Oh, darling, sadly I still did.
But, would you fly me to your galaxy, to meet our Father of the world?
Just say yes, it would mean the world to me.
Did I told you already, that I was a sad, sad, sad angel?
So lend me your wings, ‘cause I’m too weak to flap mine.
If I tell you that the demonds had break my mind, would you stay?
The stars were light of my way, and the moon were the light of my heavenly side.
Fly me to your galaxy, He’s been waiting for me to come home.
I’ve got lost, just find me, darling.
We could play hide and seek, but if you can’t find the place where I hide, you’ll be losing me, forever, darling.
I’ll haunt you, my baby boy.
I’ll be your sweetest nightmares, cause that’s what I used to be.
I want to start a brand new life, a brand new me.
I want to live all my fears and throw them outta my door.
Feeling worthless; crying myself to sleep;
I’m in love with my sadness, because love comes when we were usually feels connected, as the times goes by, I let the sadness become the part of my life.
What’s people aint understand is;
Even the red roses have the black shadow- every smiles that I painted, had their own scars.
I smile a lot; laugh a lot; cry a lot.
It’s sad when you got lost in a labyrinth you know you would never get out of.
It’s terrible when you got drown on the endless sea.
I learnt how to dance on fire, like you know you will be burn like toast but you’re trying to get along with it.
I let the sadness murder me, because I’d like to watch myself dying.
Every poetry that I read, seems like world is better to be write into paragraph.
Because, I wish my world were a fiction.
I took a deep breath and close my eyes, feels the air got into my lungs and told my self “Okay darling, sadly you still alive.”
I walk around at my past, just to make sure that it actually happens.
The truth is I let myself fall into the deep dark hole.
They used to love me right now, they used to support me no matter what I’ve been.
But they’re not; cause no one understand; they don’t really care.
They keep telling me “I’m here.”; but on the other side they pushing me away.
It’s like they giving me a dozen of flowers today, but the other day they sending me a bottle of poison.
It’s scary, you know.
To realize that you have no one to talk to when youre in your hardest time of your life.
Its sad to understand that- you know; you’re ALONE. I repeat. YOU’RE ALONE.
This year is the hardest.
Beside of the loneliness I have felt, lets talk about how scared I am.
I don’t want to fall in love again, like I’m so done with man.
I don’t want to fall in love with someone or date them, everyone is taking me for granted like “I want you today, but if someday I got bored, I will leave you alone.”
Do you see my problem?
I feel so desperately lonely, and I don’t even want to fall in love all over again; its tiring you know?
Feel love and butterflies until they get bore and then they will bring you down and-BOOM.
Remember my words okay, whoever you are.
TRUST NO ONE, even your closest family, cause everybody is going to kill you.
“I opened my door for you and you came in and burned my house down.”
—my lungs are filling with smoke but i cant leave (via insanosylum)